


Hopscrotch

by leopharry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Meteorstuck, Mild Language, general goofiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22805065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopharry/pseuds/leopharry
Summary: Dave, Karkat, and the Mayor play hopscotch, and Karkat learns of the most fundamental tenet of human culture.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Hopscrotch

**Author's Note:**

> Went to write one thing and accidentally wrote this. What's better than this? Guys being dudes.

They’d reached a truce pretty early on; with everybody else being paired off, functionally mute, or locked up in a fridge most of the time, they had to have some sort of conversation. And Dave loved the Mayor (instantly, irrevocably, it was love at first revival), but he needed to speak and be spoken to, and although the Mayor made excellent company at all other times, sometimes Dave’s self-propelled monologues wore on even his own nerves. He needed a conversation partner.

It seemed that Karkat needed that too, so they wound up spending a good amount of time together. 

The first couple weeks had been... tumultuous. Rocky. Full of more yelling than Dave had ever heard in his life (his Bro never yelled; just quietly lingered out of sight before saying something when Dave was most likely to shit his pants in shock, which was always hilarious). It was at the height of one such “argument” when Dave pointed out that just because Karkat took everything he said as an attack didn’t mean that was the intention, and Karkat pointed out that constant sarcasm and “friendly” ribbing was not conducive to an actual friendly conversation. At that point they realized they’d both been kind of dicks to each other and agreed to tone it down. It had been pretty smooth sailing after that.

Which brought them to the here and now, a couple months into their journey. Though they spent a good amount of time with the Mayor in Can Town, sometimes building a thriving metropolis wasn’t quite their jam for the day and they’d do something else. On this particular day, Dave had come to Karkat with an unusual request.

“Hopscotch,” was all he’d said, dropping heavily onto the end of Karkat’s couch.

“Mm hmm,” Karkat had hummed back, attention fully paid to whatever movie he had playing on his husktop. 

“We should play it,” Dave continued.

“Yeah, definitely,” Karkat replied airily, probably completely unaware of what he was agreeing to.

Dave just sighed and settled in. If he tried to pull Karkat from his movie now, there’d be hell to pay, so he resigned himself to whatever bullshit romcom Karkat had settled on today.

Two hours later, the movie finally ended, and Karkat stretched widely, covering his mouth as he yawned, and Dave repeated, “So, hopscotch.”

Karkat jumped; he must have forgotten Dave was there. “What’s hopscrotch?” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head, yawning again.

“It’s ‘hopscotch,’” Dave said, trying not to laugh. If he laughed, Karkat would get defensive and probably wouldn’t play. “The Mayor already agreed. You in?”

Karkat yawned one more time, eyeing his husktop longingly, but ultimately sighed and stood up. “Yeah, sure. How do you play?”

* * *

“So, you throw this,” Dave said, holding up the beanbag he’d alchemized earlier. “And it lands on a square. You hop through the squares, but don’t step on the one the beanbag is on, then hop back and pick it up. Only one foot per square, and if you fall you lose.”

The Mayor was nodding eagerly, but Karkat just looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Dave, far be it from me to criticize any aspect of Earth culture--” he was interrupted when Dave snorted loudly; criticizing each others’ cultures made up a good chunk of their conversations. Karkat kindly elected to ignore it. “But this kind of seems like something for wigglers.”

“Yeah, it pretty much is.”

“Then why the fuck are we playing it?”

Dave made the universal noise for ‘I don’t know,’ and said, “I’m bored, I’ve never played it, and I think the Mayor would look cute as fuck hopping around on these squares.”

Karkat opened his mouth to say something else, then looked over at the Mayor, who just shrugged. He pondered for a moment, then said, “You raise a good point. All right, sure, let’s play hopscrotch.”

Dave beamed.

* * *

The Mayor absolutely decimated them at it, but he looked absolutely precious doing it, Dave and Karkat were in agreement.

Karkat’s refusal to learn how to say ‘hopscotch’ properly was what sparked the idea, more than anything. So Dave did what he did best: he drew a dick on the floor. He filled it with spatially appropriate lines and numbers, then turned around to gesture at his handiwork. 

“What the fuck is that?” Karkat asked, gesturing at it with a confused expression. Dave was shocked and appalled to realize that in the year they’d been hanging out, he’d never once drawn a dick around Karkat before. 

He had to make the most of this. Cultural integrity was at stake.

“Oh my god,” Dave said, putting a hand to his forehead. “Karkat, I am so sorry. We’ve been hanging out for a year now and I haven’t explained to you one of the most fundamental tenets of human culture.”

Karkat’s eyebrows shot right into his forehead, and he sat up a little straighter, clearly very interested in this learning opportunity.

“Okay, so it’s... Well, it... Hm. Oh, man, I wish Rose was here, she’d be able to do a much better job at explaining this than me,” Dave said, sighing an exaggerated sigh. “I’ll just have to do my best.”

“Well, what is it, first of all?” Karkat asked.

“The peanut gallery can and should hold all questions to the end,” Dave said severely, and Karkat straightened up even more. “All right, well, I can explain this much at least. Much of human history has focused on this,” Dave said somberly, milking the opportunity for all it was worth, banking on his poker face not to fail him now. “Nations rose and fell over it. This thing right here is what dictates everything from global politics to interpersonal relationships. It is the cultural unifier; every country across the globe has acknowledged its unique relevance to humanity as a whole. Its importance can’t be overstated. So, when I tell you what I’m about to tell you, I hope you’ll be mature and treat it with the gravity it’s due.”

“Of course,” Karkat said, nodding solemnly. “So...?”

Dave took a deep breath, forced every muscle in his face not to move, and said, “So, Karkat, come jump on this dick.”

* * *

All the way across the meteor, Rose and Kanaya were sitting in the common area in comfortable silence, Rose reading, Kanaya practicing her knitting, when what sounded like an explosion shook them both to alertness. 

About a minute later, Karkat stormed in, his expression murderous, the force of his stomps shaking the floor and rattling the furniture. He made his way furiously to the transportalizer, disappearing with nothing more than a quiet hum. 

Another minute after that, Dave sauntered in, looking for all the world like he hadn’t a care in it, tossing a beanbag on the counter and moving to the alchemizer.

Rose and Kanaya exchanged glances, and Rose asked, “Care to explain what put Karkat in such a mood?”

With a small smirk, Dave just said, “Hopscrotch.”


End file.
